I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
