i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
