when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
