im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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