I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
