felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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