you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
