he wants to bone in the snuggie
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Randomize
