I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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