3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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