69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He? As in you personified your dick?
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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