I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
