Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
