I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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