I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
