one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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