i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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