we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
