I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
