so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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