Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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