i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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