I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
True college students do jello shots in the library
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