She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
