I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
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