this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Found the puke drawer
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
