Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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