I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
