i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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