Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I supernannyed him into submission
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
