MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Did you just see the Batmobile???
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
