something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
