Swine flu is the new snow day.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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