i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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