if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I wish there were birth control emojis
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
