Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
