Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
