I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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