I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Randomize
