A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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