life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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