When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
