Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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