420 ftw
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Randomize
