just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
