i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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