apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
