i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
