Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
