She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
