just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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