I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
